Steve Jobs job’s up for grabs: What’s at the core of the Apple story?

by Tech Expert Walter Storey

Silicon Valley has erupted into a plasm of excitement at the news that Steve Jobs job’s now up for grabs, as internet experts struggle to find an app to replace the now deceased Apple maverick.

Applications have already come in from the CV hungry populous of cyberville as tech fans dance upon the still unplanted grave of the Apple legend, who passed away this evening.

Steve Jobs - There is not an app to bring him back, mofo.

Although there has been no official cause of death registered yet, Rumour Mule reporters have been able to get to the core of the tragic Apple story – and can reveal Jobs created an app last week which would replicate his actions in the event of his death, as he has been very ill and feared imminent death.

Unfortunately, this genius app proved too much of a power drain and displaced the charge from his life support machine – which hadn’t been backed up – and thus there was a catastrophic loss of data around 11pm UK time this evening, resulting in the death of the Apple owner.

Although his official last words have not been registered, his last tweet – posted just minuted before his tragic passing – read, “Always back up your motherfucking work”, although the robotic nature of the post has led to many tech experts guessing it actually came from Stephen Hawking.

Apple have not confirmed whether this tweet was genuine or not. However, The Rumour Mule understands from sources close to the heroic inventor that it was posted via Google Android, which would appear to undermine Steve Jobs’ entire life’s work.

Was it perhaps his dying wish to acknowledge that Android was about to take over?

Although no funeral details have yet been released, it is thought several famous musicians – including Usher and Boyz2Men – have been signed up to record his service via GarageBand.

This funeral march will be available for download and ringtone approximately 0.85 seconds before it hits television screens – only on iPhone – giving Apple fans a chance to own a piece of history before it happens.

Whatever happens in the coming weeks, his funeral will have to wait as Jobs’ will specified he could not be buried until the Coffin 4 was launched. Currently, the Coffin 3 is displaying all the functionality the market requires, so he may have to wait until February next year to be buried.

This entry was posted in Celebrity Juice, International Politics and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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