by Walter Storey and Alison Partridge
Controversial Aberdeen millionaire Sir Ian Wood received a nasty surprise upon returning from a three-week holiday in the Bahamas – rogue builders had accidentally covered his entire garden in Tarmac.
Sir Ian – Chairman of The Wood Group – arrived back at his 4.8 acre country residence early this morning to find his plans for a new driveway had been expanded without his knowledge.
Sir Ian Wood, unless the question involves tarmac in his garden, in which case he wouldn't
The philanthropist – who suffers from a form of acute megalomania – had left instructions with a group of Lithuanian builders to resurface his mile-long drive, so he could get his fleet of armoured hummers to exit the property without undue damage to their poorly-designed American suspension systems.
However, it was suspension of disbelief that was required when Sir Ian arrived back at the property, as his entire garden had been covered two feet deep with Tarmacadam. The garden contained around 3 acres of prime grassland and many species of valuable flora.
“We are disgusted at the wilful negligence that has led to the destruction of one of the city’s most precious and beautiful green spaces”, Wood told reporters gathered outside his armoured front gates.
“I just don’t understand why they bothered asking us what we wanted if they were just going to go ahead and do what they thought was best”, he added.
Over the years, Sir Ian Wood has been recognised for his financial support given to many charitable groups, which is in no way linked to the many tax breaks such donations generate.
He was awarded a CBE in 1982 and was knighted in 1994, but has courted controversy with his comments on the role of the public at large in the decision-making processes of a successful democracy.
Previously, Sir Ian went on record with the following comment: “I used to believe in a democratic system but really if you look at the results yielded by democracy you realise most people don’t know what they are talking about. A select few should make informed decisions for the masses. I am willing to do the selecting”.
Clearly his vision has now come to fruition, with the builders deciding amongst themselves what was best for the property and declining to involve the people who actually use the gardens – Sir Ian and his family – in the decision-making process. When Sir Ian surveyed his family, 55% said they were firmly opposed to the concreting-over of the green space – although this has now counted for little.
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Fellow rich-man Donald Trump took time out from chasing his hair around a golf course to tell reporters he felt Sir Ian had brought the disaster upon himself.
“Well, when you hire cheap foreign contractors to do a job that should have been done by my solid, trustworthy fellow Scotch people, you take a risk. The builders obviously had a language problem and didn’t understand the brief, so they improvised. Good on them”, said Trump.
The government of Lithuania has offered £50m to help restore the gardens to their previous natural beauty, which is in no way connected to oil and engineering contracts in the Baltic state.
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