Monthly Archives: July 2011

Tories give NHS to Murdoch while nobody is looking

by Walter Storey, the hack who doesn’t hack David Cameron has used this week’s global death chaos to push through a deal giving controversial media mogul Rupert Murdoch the entire NHS for free as part of the latest set of … Continue reading

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Rogue builders ‘tarmac Sir Ian Wood’s garden’

by Walter Storey and Alison Partridge Controversial Aberdeen millionaire Sir Ian Wood received a nasty surprise upon returning from a three-week holiday in the Bahamas – rogue builders had accidentally covered his entire garden in Tarmac. Sir Ian – Chairman … Continue reading

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Thursday’s NEWS…in brief

by all-round top journalist Walter Storey LOCAL NEWS: Local man complains about ‘lack of local news’ A local man has brought his case to the Press Complaints Commission, upset at the lack of local news which is actually local to … Continue reading

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New season of 24 to go ahead ‘without bad guys’

The Fox Network has announced plans to complete a ninth series of hit show 24, despite the fact there are now no bad guys left in the world. Kiefer Sutherland will reprise the role of super-agent Jack Bauer in the … Continue reading

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Jordan’s breasts ‘to pursue solo projects’

by Walter Storey, our Celebrity Breast Chief Correspondent The world of celebrity tittle-tattle was aroused from its slumber this morning to the news that Jordan’s breasts – cruelly nicknamed by the gutter press as Droopy and Perky – are sensationally … Continue reading

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David Cameron ‘smells a rat’

by Walter Storey, our Chief Political Editor Whitehall has been awash this evening with reports Prime Minister David Cameron smelt a rat during a private meeting with cabinet colleagues. Sources close to number 10 – possibly at either numbers 9 … Continue reading

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Evening Express to close after ‘perfect story’

by our media correspondent Walter Storey. Aberdeen’s tea-time treat the Evening Express has shaken the granite walls of the city to their foundations by announcing the decision to close down all operations immediately after today publishing what it described as … Continue reading

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