by Walter Storey, just out of jail after appealing defamation charges.
Following a record number of calls to the Press Complaints Commission (PCC) regarding the Daily Mail’s coverage of the Leveson Inquiry, the newspaper could be set to face a record fine following its latest breach of the publishing code of practice.
A report which appeared in the paper yesterday (23rd November) referred to Lord Justice Leveson and his team of legal experts as “a pile of cunts” after they listened patiently to the testimony of Hugh Grant without abusing him or attempting to discredit his evidence.
This inaccuracy prompted complaints from around 200,000 profanity-loving grammatical pedants up and down the country, who contacted the PCC to correctly inform them the actual collective noun for multiple cunts is technically “a shower of cunts”, not a ‘pile’.
PCC spokesperson Tarquin Herbert-Smythe granted The Rumour Mule an exclusive interview this afternoon – and was quick to condemn the latest faux pas from the nation’s most-hated Tory mouthpiece.
“This issue is actually what is at the core of the debate on the irresponsibility of the press and the PCC’s role in maintaining an orderly ship”, he told us.
“The debate has been raging over side-issues like phone-hacking, diary-thievery and other crimes, but all of these issues are a direct result of the core problem, which is the moral decline emanating from the press’ lack of adherence to basic grammatical standards”.
He continued, “Everyone with half a brain knows it should be ‘a shower of cunts’. It is disgraceful that in this day and age a newspaper could call a Lord Justice and his team of legal experts ‘cunts’ without managing to use the proper collective noun”.
“We have even consulted with experts at the Oxford English Dictionary and now we intend to throw the book at the Daily Mail”, Mr Herbert-Smythe confirmed.
The Leveson Inquiry was set up to look at “the culture, practices and ethics of the press” in the aftermath of the phone-hacking scandal which brought down Sunday hate-rag the News of the World.
As the list of charges continues to grow, more newspapers have been implicated in the scandal and the repercussions could be devastating for the press – unless of course the government intervenes to save the industry, albeit under much stricter control from politicians, which would in no way be thoroughly undemocratic, at all. In no way.
Prime Minister David Cameron has reportedly been much amused by the grotesque spectacle of the printed press covering the scandal in which they are all implicated.
Speaking to The Rumour Mule late this morning about the Mail’s latest balls-up, he said, “Well, in this day and age of intense media scrutiny, if you are going to call a well-respected, high profile Lord Justice and his team ‘cunts’, you’ve really got to get it right. In this instance, the Daily Mail has quite frankly fucked it right up”.
While firing into another large glass of vintage port, the PM added, “I hope they get done for this. Done good and hard. Swift action will send out a strong message that the PCC can act, they will act, and anyone failing to insult a noted lord in a grammatically accurate manner will get done good and hard. The Daily Mail have let me down personally and they are a shower of cunts. See – I can get it right!”.
Lord Justice Leveson refused to comment to The Rumour Mule about the Mail’s botched insult, but did send a handwritten note reminding us the correct collective noun for mules is “a barren”, for which we thank him warmly.